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The Top Ten Reasons President Bush is Coming to Saint Vincent College

10: He heard there's a library on campus and wants to see what one looks like.

9: Getting ready to pump iron with Casey Hampton at Steelers training camp.

8: Campus security being recruited for Secret Service.

7: Bob Jones University is getting too liberal.

6: Recruiting friends for his Myspace page.

5: Jim Towey has embarassing pictures of him.

4: Diverse student body similar to his cabinet.

3: Heard one of his biggest supporters, Bob Scott, was showing one of his movies on campus.

2: Wants to meet the great football team that hasn't lost a game since 1963.

1: He's looking for weapons of mass destruction in Saurkraut Tower.