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The top ten signs you'll never get a girl...
(I've done my research on this one!)

10: During homecoming weekend, a ceremony is held in your honor in the elevator. You are crowned king of the shaft.

9: You try Singled Out, and everybody leaves the stage before you answer the first category.

8: They say no before you even open your mouth.

7: Your picture is passed around the school with warnings, but you're not the stalker.

6: Upon entering a girl's floor, all doors are locked and lights are turned off.

5: Girls hide in the cemetery at night to avoid you.

4: You find a Genie, and he crawls back into his lamp.

3: Entire floors agree to change their clocks so the prefect can kick you out.

2: You recieve weekly recruiting calls from the seminary.

1: You ask Woody Eagle for advice.